Vacation in numbers

And we’re back home.  Having been gone for two weeks, it’s nice to be back, to have my own coffee maker and sleeping in my own bed, without kids blasting in at two AM asking where in the hell they are in a confused and cloudy haze.  I was able to get some time alone and better yet, I was able to get some time with friends.

All that being said, it’s good to be home.

I have suitcases full of laundry, sand pool and beach toys.  I have swimsuits to be cleaned and sand in places that have never seen the light of day, but we’re home.  The flights were incredibly long and I got a laugh when Alex told the TSA guy to, “be careful with my backpack, I have a butt-load of electronics in there.”  Yeah, we have to work on who we use the phrase ”butt-load” with but still, I was happy he was expressing concern.  Sure it was for his electronics but it’s still a win in my book.

I had a nasty run in with a pen shell but other than that there were no casualties and best of all?  No puke.

There was one gecko/lizard that may be dead on the account of the three year old but he kept coming back.  After a certain point in time you just say screw it and let the gecko get what’s coming to him.

I’ll do a run down of the past two weeks in numbers because right now I’m all about easy.  That sounds really wrong but I’m still going to go with it.

• 359 the number of times I was asked about Minecraft.
• 1,459 the number of times I cursed the makers of Minecraft, most of the times in my mind.
• 14 the number of times I ate ice cream.
• 1 dead gecko.
• 7 the number of times Gracie picked up and shook the shit out of two different geckos.
• 13 the number of times I hissed something along the lines, “Gracie!!!  That gecko is one of God’s creatures, we do NOT shake the crap out of it simply because you want to see what happens!  Shame on you and put that horrible little creature down.”

• 9 the number of times I sanitized/scrubbed the top layer of skin off Gracie’s hands after the gecko/lizard peed on them.
• 1 the number of times I yelled at Gracie, “If you do not put that gecko down on the ground this instant, the dead one will come back and haunt you in your sleep because you shook it to death.  Don’t you dare throw that gecko Gracie!  I said to place it gently on the ground.  Damn it to hell Gracie, I said PLACE IT not THROW IT.  Now it’s dead!!!  Shame on you!”
• Revised, 2 dead geckos.
• 2 night terrors that *may* have been related to my hypoglycemic rant about geckos coming back from the dead.
• 7 times I passed off the kids to my husband and didn’t look back.
• 32 ramen meals eaten.
• 57 total mosquito bites, I think.
• However many pipe cleaners this is:

• 33 cans of sunscreen used.
• 0 sunburns.  A record for us.
• 8 cans of Pringles eaten.
• 42 indirect observations about how awesome it would be if only we could play some Minecraft.
• Have I already mentioned my cursing about Minecraft?
• 211 the approximate number of shells we brought home, excluding sand dollars.

• 51 the number of times the kids did play Minecraft.
• 76 YouTube videos.  About Minecraft.
• 3 bottles of wine consumed.

I could go on but you get the idea.  We had fun, we had some meltdowns and at the end of the day, I’m glad we went but also a little glad we only do vacations once a year.  There were some more serious things that happened but right now I’m knee-deep in laundry and dirty shells.

I’ll post later as I get my head above water and get some food in the house.  Being gone for two weeks does nothing good to milk or anything else in the fridge.